How I learnt to build resilience
Growing up in child abuse has had lifelong impact for me. I struggled for much of my existence with low self-esteem, emotional and physical self-harm, and a deep depression and anxiety.
I once decided to confront my abusive father and shift out of the negative mindset that was holding me back. By releasing the pain of my unforgiveness, I was able to shift out of my negative headspace. Through therapy, changing my mindset and taking daily action, I was able to leave behind my old self to become my true, authentic self.
I now use my personal story as inspiration. As a Life Coach, I help my clients break away from toxic patterns, leave the past behind and focus on the present. Those personal skills are particularly necessary for people suffering from a personal permanent injury, as their mental symptoms may last well beyond the obvious injuries.
How traumatic events trick your mind and hold you back
Anyone who has endured a serious injury or abuse carries the trauma of those incidents with them on a physical, mental, emotional and psychological level. Our minds are built to hang on to traumatic events and often replay that trauma over and over again on a subconscious level. Our subconscious mind is 95% of our brain and acts like a computer that intakes information and does not differentiate between fantasy and reality. As a result, everything we think, see, observe and experience becomes real for us. So if something very painful and challenging happened to us, we are triggered by those traumatic memories and our brains experience them as occurring in the here and now. That makes it challenging for us to move on after trauma because we can’t progress when we are stuck living in the past.
How you can shift out of a negative headspace
The most common issue with many of my clients is their connection to external people and events as a motivation for their actions and reactions. We often blame circumstances and other people for how we feel about ourselves, but we forget that we are the only ones responsible for our thoughts, feelings and emotions. Although painful things may happen, we can CHOOSE how we respond no matter what takes place. Our thoughts and feelings DIRECT us, they do not OWN us, so we must decide to choose the path that will lead to the most love, the most happiness and the best outcome for ourselves and those around us. To do this we must re-wire our minds for a better way of thinking.
How to overcome your challenges
I look at where clients are now, how they got there and where they want to go. It is often the stories we continuously tell ourselves that are holding us back. By finding out the old story, where they are stuck, how they ended up stuck and addressing and releasing those issues, I help them to tell a new story of hope and help. I define a clear plan of action that puts them on a positive path to self-discovery and realization. Through coaching sessions and accountability, I teach clients the most important skill towards healing – learning to truly love themselves.
How to finally put your brain to work for you (spoiler: you are stronger than you think!)
Engage in something called conscious blaming. It is based on the idea that instead of blaming a circumstance or person for the pain you are experiencing, you can re-frame everything in their mind to ‘blame’ something or someone for making you stronger, more resilient and courageous. I would encourage you to let go of fear and the idea that you can’t endure the pain. Our minds are so powerful; we truly can think ourselves into wellness by changing the way we look at things. Chronic pain can become more manageable by just adopting a new attitude and perspective.
How a life coach helps clients dealing with a personal, permanent injury
As a life coach, I look at how someone’s personal, permanent injury has impacted their life on an emotional level. Everything we do or don’t do comes from emotions and how we feel about a situation. If clients have been replaying the injury in their minds, we work at helping them to let go of past hurt through meditation, self-understanding, refocusing and goal setting. While I touch upon their past, I really look at where they want to be so they can work towards making healthy choices in the present moment that redefine who they are.